A new member of a Facebook DID group asked, “How do you identify your alters?” As a retired psychiatrist and the author of the 4 Volume series Engaging Multiple Personalities, I would like to make some recommendations.
Within the general understanding of DID explained at length in the series and blog posts, keep in mind that there are reasons why alters are not readily seen or identified by the alter serving as the host or front. So, rather than trying to identify an alter conceptually or otherwise, consider how you would try to connect with someone you meet if that acquaintance is not certain that you are trustworthy or a friend. Conventionally speaking, you might decide to gently invite that new person to spend a brief time with you so that you can get to know each other a little bit at a time. Invite them to listen in when you speak to other alters and when you interact in the world. This is a way to allow them identify and understand boundaries of safety, which is helpful both to you as the host and to that alter. Then, as you get to know a bit of each other, seeing what feels safe and what doesn’t, the ability and opportunity to connect increases.
In short, don’t push any alters into identifying themselves to you. Allow them to come to you through welcoming warmth. Allow them to identify themselves when and as they wish. Patience, empathy and kindness, and gentle invitations are the keys to this.
Sometimes my patients or I would ask an alter that was out to let us know some things about him/her but only after they were clearly appearing and the request was without demand. I would request simple things only, like name, age, gender for example, so that I could know a bit about who I was speaking with.
Never did I ask any alter about their trauma. If they wished to mention it, and how they wished to talk about it was their decision alone. The purpose this approach was to model and establish a zone of safety for them, which is a pre-requisite to any DID healing. Allow the identification to happen gently and without pressure in order to expand that experience of safety. This is critically important as the experience of safety is something alters have had taken from them by the trauma. Relearning that experience is foundational to healing.
Volume 4 of the series is my collected blogs post from 2014 to 2021. It is available as a free ebook or pdf download at engagingmultiples.com. best wishes.
